Hi again 🙂
Quick post that came to mind (also check out the homepage it’s fresh)
I often wonder, if my dreams came true, and I had to pick one or two lines to try best sell my story, which would those lines be. I’ve in some ways settled on the end of chapter 8, a chapter entitled “The First of the Thunder”.
Perhaps it’s fitting it ends on a rumbling note, a warning for the story to come. Enjoy!
Marke returned his gaze to the hill.
Soon, one shadow became clear. It was a solitary mounted figure, silhouetted against the pale ghost-light of a green dawn.
He swallowed.
Alongside him, Damir’s expression wavered too, but his eyes never left the hill far-off.
“They are the Exiles,” he said.
If this is the point where danger is obviously imminent you may want to take it up a notch. I figure this is a first draft? If I am wrong, I apologize. I have only read a couple of posts.
Also, not saying my work is better. It most certainly is not.
My suggestion is about the name the exiles. It, to me, doesn’t sound dangerous. I hope there is more explanation as to why and how they’re dangerous before this part.
I like the build up to the statement of the name. You are a good writer. You have what it takes to write a heart pounding, page turning novel. Keep up the great work.
Hi Jen!
Thanks for feedback.
I wouldn’t say this is a point of imminent danger (in fact danger has just passed), but more a few lines that give a peek of the story and characters in it. The Exiles are fleshed out a lot more before this point in the story, so there would be some context as to why the revelation is big.
Thanks so much for taking a look!
Kyle
Great! I’m glad to hear that. I was hoping that was the case. 🙂