10 things not to do in the library

There’s enough of these during study months etc, but I said I’d get in early since the examples are rampant. With a swarm of new faces in college, the incidence has spiked and so here I am to countdown ten of the things people in the library will remember your face for.

1. Hiding your facebook

Look, we know you’re on it. Don’t try hide it in a separate tab, or minimizing your screen, or stretching to block the screen. Anybody with a laptop that has 1/100th of a bar of connectivity and is between the ages of zero and twenty five (because after that, it’s all downhill) will instinctively throw up their social networks on their internet. Nobody is gonna judge you, embrace it.

2. Leaving the sound on anything

Phone? Laptop? Breathing? If I’m next to someone and they have their sound on it gets to me. Not because it interferes (in fact all teenagers are don’t even notice it in this day and age), but because it puts out the idea that “yes, I do know it’s on. What ya gonna do?” Well I’m gonna walk right over and smash your stupid overpriced flip phone give you a look, I guess.

3. Bringing your friend over

OK, this one tops all as the worst thing in the library. During study month you’ll inevitably get that one guy who ambles from desk to desk advertising to his determined and anxious class mates how he, a jolly lad, is in the library. So novel is the idea of studying in a new building, or just studying at all, that this man must parade his four pages of food stained notes from bench to bench loudly whispering how he knows what is coming up. For those in august, I’m sorry, he’ll be back.

4. Putting on a movie

My god anywhere but the library. Nobody ever watches “Schindler’s List” in the library. Nobody sits back and throws on “Titanic”. No. It is always dodgeball or step brothers or the last king of scotland. OK, so that last one is irrelevant, but I saw it recently and it was very good. Just watch it in the corner if you must. Does it always have to be in a middle desk with the volume high up and the jokes pouring out from the leaky gaps of your ear debilitating headphones?

5. Leaving for like 3 hours

Everyone knows those seats that everyone wants. They have a good view, not too much light, A PLUG. Please don’t be that never-present ghost who has been reserving the seat since before the cold war. I’ve seen desks empty all day. Soon, I can imagine the library staff will take to declaring some people legally dead due to their absence. RIP lads…

6. Taking a phone call at your desk

RING!!!! RING!!!! “hello, ya I’m just in the library. what? SPEAK UP.” <—–This guy. Does the hallway not exist as a point to some people? Do they just assume the initial door opened up to their desk and they did not move through any area where noise was tolerated to a phonecall level? No? Shocking….

7. Printing….oh…just an entire book

Page, page, page, page, page,page…..And it just keeps going! You stand there in sheer disbelief as to when this will end, afraid you have been caught in some kind of time loop where the print job just won’t finish. I think a 50 page rule is about fair. Even at that, I’d be hoping that was 25 front and back. God like just buy the book you’re probably paying the equivalent anyway. Can only imagine what would happen if UCC Boole had colour printing.

8. Incessant walking syndrome

That one person who you’re wishing the white-coated library staff would come over to and lash to the bench. You’ve seen this person do 6 laps of the floor already, and if anything they are picking up speed. They also make sure to take the most awkward and longest possible way around each area, making sure to kick enough bags that they have to make scratchy “sorrys” all day long.

9. The Beast

That one guy (hardly ever girls) who brings a four course meal to the library. Chicken roll, drink, crisps..wait,what is that, is that a dip? And the best part is he is on some level conscious so he makes sure to drag on the eating process for some forty minutes. Each snap of a crisp is another flick to your patience, and slowly but surely you find yourself packing up and moving off.

10. Keyboard slapping

SPACEBAR. The single most slapped key in all of library time-space, possibly closely followed by enter. And of course this guy left 3,000 words to the last four hours, so he is allllll slap slap slap. And just once..the girl or guy will get to a stage where they need to skip a couple lines….

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